I often stop to thank my lucky stars that my mom wasn’t a credulous yuppie. Had she been just a little bit dumber and a lotta bit richer, I’d be draped in amber and freebasing chia seeds right about now. That’s because, at least superficially, I meet many of the criteria of an indigo child.
So what are the signs of indigo-ism? According to P.M.H. Atwater, L.H.D., indigo children are
- diagnosed with ADHD
That last one must be important, because Atwater runs back to that well over and over again. We saw last week that she blames ADHD on allergies and advocates curing it with head massages. She later states that ADHD is actually a sign of membership in the fifth root race and signifies the return of the “hunter gene,” an allele that will save humanity as the fifth world goes into ascension. So…guess it’s not caused by allergies, then? This is one of many occasions on which Atwater tries to combine two competing new age theories, and she never quite carries it off.
Some of the other qualifications for membership in the indigo club are
- memories of one’s own birth
- psychic ability
This is the part of the book I could barely bring myself to read. It’s so rife with bullshit and special-snowflake-ism-by-proxy, I feel like I need chelation therapy to get rid of the douche chills. And now, I’ll share it with you. Because I care.
CHILDREN OF THE NEW DREAM
Atwater begins by citing Drunvalo Melchizedek, a man whose followers were so annoyed by his lack of a Wikipedia page that they apparently decided to make one themselves. As a side note, Melchizedek and/or his followers have the Google algorithm game on lock, because I’m three pages deep and the only site I can find that isn’t fawning over him is this six-year-old forum post on a site called New Age Fraud. I can’t figure out who he was before he was Renowed Mystic Drunvalo Melchizedek, which is…a little spooky, to be honest.
Anyway, Drunvalo is really amped about today’s kids.
Brace yourselves for this third one.
Atwater further remarks that Melchizedek is particularly excited about “the AIDS kids,” because they have extra codons in their DNA that stamp out the AIDS virus. He mentions “a baby born with AIDS…about 10 or 11 years ago in the U.S.” who became AIDS free some time before age six.
There’s a lot to unpack here. First, I’d like to point out that children are actually born with HIV, not AIDS. Second, I am unsurprisingly unable to locate any record of an unnamed six-year-old American boy whose codons cured his AIDS. What I can find is the story of the Mississippi Baby, a girl treated with antiretroviral therapy at birth and thought to have been cured of HIV. Spoiler: she wasn’t. Third, and most importantly, what the hell does this have to do with indigo children?
I’m seriously asking. I have no idea. Nor do I know why Atwater repeatedly brings up child survivors of near death experiences, beyond the fact that she’s studied them a lot and couldn’t go one book without shoehorning them in somewhere. This book kind of sucks, guys.
MEMORIES OF BIRTH
Indigo kids know things they shouldn’t. So says Atwater, kicking the discussion off with “a story that will amuse you and grab at your heart.”
That doesn’t grab at my heart–it pisses me off! Bumptious-ass toddler claiming he knows as much as his mom, get the hell out of here. You know how to pay taxes, kid? You know how to drive a car down to the dealership to get it serviced? What about securing a mortgage–you know how to do that, kid? Do you? Do you?
You know, I’m not sure if I’d want to remember that. I wonder if any indigo children drink to forget.
I can’t think of a comment that isn’t unseemly, so I’ll take the high road on this one. Atwater follows it up with all kinds of stories about children who remember looking down from heaven and asking Jesus to give them a specific set of parents. It’s so saccharine, I can’t post any more about it without sending us all into a diabetic coma. So let’s move on.
Children know how to create more grids to hold more consciousness to do more things, using the formula of thought plus feelings, directed by intent, affirmed my knowingness.
Did any of that make sense to you? If so, you might be P.M.H. Atwater. Better see a doctor to make sure.
Anyway, indigo children are mad psychic. But instead of using their psychic ability to find mom’s car keys or give dad the winning lotto numbers, they make a bunch of cutesy comments about playing with invisible friends and living a previous life as a single father in Australia. Because children are the worst.
Kids are cavorting on the astral plane. You can’t argue with it, guys, it’s showing up in research. Incidentally, what kind of sad-ass psychic child uses her powers to attend school while asleep? Get a life!
Indigo children predicted 9/11. You heard it here first! Probably. Unless you read Atwater’s book. It would have been nice if one of those indigo children had informed the government of our impending national nightmare, but I guess that’s water under the bridge now.
Today’s children are gifted–I guess? To be honest, Atwater spends most of the back half of the book talking about how awful Millennials are.
Callow, anti-authority, and way too sexy. Somehow, despite their giftedness, today’s kids have gone off course. They’re even involved in…
I guess the takeaway here is that, because their brains function differently, indigo children are ill-served by twenty-first century society and schooling. Which sounds plausible, until you remember that kids have been rebellious, risk-seeking, and celebrity-obsessed since the beginning of time. Yes, even gifted ones. Though, honestly, I’m not sure the children Atwater describes are even that gifted, nor are they that unusual. They’re just…children.
THE POLITICS OF BEYOND THE INDIGO CHILDREN
Politically, this book has me stumped. Most new agers are liberals, in my experience, but Atwater tosses out some suspiciously conservative rhetoric. For example
Diversity is tribalism and tribalism tears our country apart. In other words, SPEAK ENGLISH. Not a message I’d expect from a hippie-dippie, touchy-feely type of book. Certainly not one I’d expect from a book on indigo children, since it has fudge-all to do with the subject.
Is Atwater equating bisexuality and transgender with prostitution? Does she consider bisexuality and transgender bad things? Her new age credentials say no, but the tone of her statements says yes.
Is it? And is that a problem? I just don’t understand why Atwater brings it up. It makes me feel yucky, reading this book, instead of just bored. Maybe this is the dirty little secret of Beyond the Indigo Children: it masquerades as a feel-good manual on raising sensitive children, but it’s actually a regressive, reductive, old-man-yells-at-cloud anti-LGBT mess.
Maybe. I honestly can’t tell.