For me, Amazon‘s Goodreads is a bit like Pinterest: I made an account, tooled around on the site for a day or two, and then totally forgot about it. I’m woman enough to admit how old I am, and old enough that sometimes I don’t “get” things. Pinterest is one of those things (so it’s sort of like Tumblr, but for stay-at-home moms who want to make other stay-at-home moms feel inadequate?). Goodreads is another (anyone looking at my reading history for recommendations is in for a world of hurt).
I have to admit, though: When I decided to read and review weird erotica, Goodreads was there for me. From sexy bigfoots to sexy minotaurs to sexy dingoes with nipple piercings, Amazon’s social media site caters to even the most obscure of appetites.
Come along as I explore some of the most esoteric genres on Goodreads. I promise, only a few of them are sexy.
1. AMISH FICTION
My husband and I once started writing a steamy Amish romance as a joke–we didn’t know at the time that there was an audience for it. Speaking of the audience, who are they? Are they Amish? If so, how are they accessing Goodreads? Something to ponder.
Sample work: The Covenant (Abram’s Daughters), by Beverly Lewis
Years of secrecy bind the tiny community of Gobbler’s Knob together more than the present inhabitants know, and the Plain folk who farm the land rarely interact with the fancy locals. So when Sadie is beguiled by a dark-haired English boy, it is Sadie’s younger sister, Leah, who suffers from her sister’s shameful loss of innocence. And what of Leah’s sweetheart, Jonas Mast, sent to Ohio under the Bishop’s command?
Speaking as someone who’s been to Ohio, Jonas Mast must have really screwed up.
2. BIBLICAL FICTION
The trials, tribulations, and romantic encounters of all your favorite Bible characters! Well, almost all of them. Sadly, the talking ass has yet to get his own series.
Sample work: Gods & Kings, by Lynn Austin
Though born the second son of King Ahaz, Hezekiah is not protected from his father’s perverted attempts to gain the favor of the idol Molech. Terrified and powerless at the foot of Molech’s altar, Hezekiah encounters for the first time the one true God of his royal ancestry, Yahweh. But his journey to the Holy One is riddled by influence from an assortment of men: Zechariah, a grandfather of noble standing who has fallen into drunkenness; Uriah, the High Priest whose lust for power forces him to gamble the faith he proclaims; and Shebna, the Egyptian intellectual who guides Hezekiah’s instruction.
I have very little concept of what this blurb is talking about–but it does sound kind of exciting.
3. EROTIC HORROR
Don’t even pretend like this wasn’t the one you guys were waiting for.
Sample work: Kraken, by M. Caspian
A gothic erotic horror with tentacle non-con. When boyfriend Parker gives him an ultimatum Will never dreams his heart is about to be ripped out: move to a remote off-shore island with him, or call it quits. But Will picks wrong, and now he’s heading into the unknown to fix his mistake.
Calling it right now: Parker is a kraken.
Another sample work: The Ravishing of Beauty, by Jessica Satin
Belle’s choice to become the Beast’s prisoner changes her in ways she never imagined. After her Beast transforms back into his human form, they eagerly explore each other’s bodies…but it’s not enough. Their sexual affair began long before he was human, and Belle can’t help remembering what it was like to have sex with her Beast. She learned to love him through all the blood and sacrifice it required. Belle and Prince Adam must learn to find new ways to express their depraved desires.
4. EROTIC PARANORMAL ROMANCE
One of my least-favorite genres, thanks to that interminable Rehabilitating His Dingo book. Speaking of Rehabilitating His Dingo…
Sample work: Feral Sins, by Suzanne Wright
…I was convinced this book must have been written by the same author, given how bonkers-yet-stultifyingly-dull the description is.
If your inner wolf and your body react rather enthusiastically to a psychotic Alpha male who’s own wolf has a tendency to turn feral, it can’t be a good thing, can it? Entering into a bargain with him wouldn’t be good either. Unfortunately, Taryn Warner, a latent wolf shifter, doesn’t have many options open to her right now. Okay, she has no options. Basically it comes down to whether she’ll do what it takes to escape the arranged mating with the sick SOB that her father set up. As the answer in this case is yes, it looks as though she’ll have to agree to Trey Coleman’s deal…she’ll have to mate with him instead.
Having always disliked shifter politics, Trey Coleman hadn’t bothered trying to form alliances with other packs. Now that his uncle – a wolf with many alliances – means to take Trey’s territory and his pack…
It continues from there. As much as it sounds like that damn dingo book, however, Feral Sins doesn’t have the same author. Or maybe it does have the same author, but he/she writes under multiple names. I don’t know. Who cares.
Here’s a really awesome book I found while researching the issue, though:
Whoever was forced to make that cover, I hope they’re enjoying their life.
5. THE WAR FOR SOUTHERN INDEPENDENCE
An entire genre written for and by people who wear Confederate flag belt buckles–you just know this isn’t going anywhere good.
Sample work: The Real Lincoln, by Thomas J. DiLorenzo
DiLorenzo portrays the sixteenth president as a man who devoted his political career to revolutionizing the American form of government from one that was very limited in scope and highly decentralized—as the Founding Fathers intended—to a highly centralized, activist state. Standing in his way, however, was the South, with its independent states, its resistance to the national government, and its reliance on unfettered free trade.
That’s “unfettered free trade” facilitated by slave labor, but to hell with it. You can’t argue with people like this.
From what I gather, this is an occult philosophy (?) developed by Aleister Crowley.
Sample work: The Book of Lies, by Aleister Crowley
The book consists of 93 chapters, each of which consists of one page of text. The chapters include a question mark, poems, rituals, instructions, and obscure allusions and cryptograms. The subject of each chapter is generally determined by its number and its corresponding qabalistic meaning...Several chapters and a photograph in the book reference Leila Waddell, who Crowley called Laylah, and who, as Crowley’s influential Scarlet Woman, acted as his muse during the writing process of this volume.
I can’t tell what this book is about, and apparently neither can Goodreads. But look! It’s got Crowley’s girlfriend in it!