I have to make this post a short one, which is a shame since Animal Kingdom was my favorite of all the Disney Parks. Here are just a few of the things I was able to do there:
- Eat samosas.
- See a cheetah get an endoscopy.
- Go on a wilderness safari, during which I saw two elephants humping. (The tour guide claimed they were just playing, but I know humping when I see it.)
- Pet goats.
- Almost get grabbed by a yeti.
- Feel bugs crawl under my butt.
In terms of my amateur data collection, I overheard some really creepy things and saw some truly confounding shirts. Here’s the breakdown:
- Worst Kid: Kid whining: “We’re not having fun!” over and over again in line for the safari. Of course you’re not having fun, idiot, you’re standing in line. That isn’t meant to be the fun part.
- Best Kid: A little Japanese girl sleeping on a bench in her princess costume.
- Crying Kids: 4
- Kids on Leashes: 1
- Oldest Kid in a Stroller: 10 years old
- Kids in Princess Costumes: 11
- Adults Having Tantrums: A woman on the bus who already gave them her credit card number FOUR TIMES AND WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO GIVE IT AGAIN?
- Minions Shirts: 1
- Christian Shirts: 2
- Matching Family Shirts: 4
- Stupidest Shirts:
- “My spirit animal is my beard,” worn by a guy who didn’t have a beard.
- Darth Vader holding a giant letter ‘M’ above the word “MAINE” in all caps.
- Stupidest Hats: White people wearing coolie hats. Good Lord.
- Funniest Things Overheard:
- Father with son’s head in his lap: “Stop it. I’m being serious. Take it out of your mouth NOW.”
- “You could be really nice and let that little girl sit down.”
“She can sit on my lap.”
“You’re a creep.”