Finding Religion: Epcot, Disney’s Christian Hotspot

I don’t know what it is about Epcot, but people there sure are Christian. How else to explain the five Christian pop-culture parody shirts we saw, in comparison to the zero we saw at Magic Kingdom?

You know the kind of shirts I’m talking about. If you grew up in an evangelical family, you probably wore the kind of shirts I’m talking about. The designers will use the Facebook logo, only it will say “FAITHBOOK” and ask if you’ll accept Jesus’ friend request; or they’ll use the Mountain Dew font to spell out “Jesus MEANT TO DIE for you!” (lest you think he did it on accident).



Given the popularity of The Force Awakens, perhaps it’s no surprise that the most popular Christian t-shirt at Epcot was a Star Wars parody reading: “MAY THE LORD BE WITH YOU.”


Why is Jesus Darth Vader in this picture? (fineartamerica)

Fortunately for me and my irrational distaste for matching family vacation t-shirts, there were a lot fewer of those than at Magic Kingdom. Maybe all the Jesus shirts warded them off. If that’s the case, I need to start going to church again.

Anyway, here’s a look at Epcot by-the-numbers:

  • Worst Kid: Baby crying on the plane to Orlando
  • Best Kid: A young Mexican boy who told us which snack to buy inside the Aztec pyramid–he didn’t speak much English, but boy was he repping the goat cheese caramel snacks.
  • Crying Kids: 4
  • Kids on Leashes: 1
  • Oldest Kid in a Stroller: 8 years old
  • Most Kids in a Single Stroller: 3
  • Kids in Princess Costumes: 2 (the least of any park!)

Obleas, wafers with goat milk candy

  • Adults Having Tantrums: a very tan woman was shouting in the hotel lobby. There was an animal carrier at her feet that, on close inspection, appeared to be empty. Maybe something escaped?
  • Overdressed Adults: so many ladies in cocktail dresses, as well as a couple men in tuxes. Granted, it was New Years Eve–but you’re at Disney World, for God’s sake, not an upscale restaurant in NYC.
  • Most Adults on a Single Mobility Scooter: 2 (I kid you not, one woman was towing the other on a little rolly board, like the kind kids use in gym class.)
  • Adult on a Mobility Scooter Who Very Clearly Does Not Need a Mobility Scooter: a dude who leaped nimbly off his scooter to let his grandson take it for a spin.
Old woman going really fast on a mobility scooter


  • Minions Shirts: 3
  • Christian Shirts: 5
  • Matching Family Shirts: 4
  • Funniest Things Overheard: 
    • “It’s funner to speak a language than to write it, ’cause then you can talk.”
    • *in an Italian accent* “Mexico!”
    • *gaping at the fruits on the agriculture ride* “Holy shit…MELON.”

Holy shit.



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