One-Star Reviews of Famous Literature

There’s no accounting for taste.  What one person considers a classic of modern literature, another person thinks is “a dumb book w/ dumb caracters and satanic materiel.”  In the spirit of representing all viewpoints, no matter how divergent or insane, here are some one-star reviews of famous books.

Crime and Punishment, Fyodor Dostoevsky

Crime and Punishment, Fyodor Dostoevsky

  • “I could not read this book. It is so small, about the size of your hand I’m sure the actual story is good”
  • “Long and pretty boring I don’t like the old timely language they use in this book I know it’s translated from German or Russian maybe but I was bored to tears”
  • “I mean, after he killed the two ladies I felt guilty!! As well written as this book is, it is demented, and the things that he says and feels(especially the things that are true)should tourcher any sane person down to their very soul.”

Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte

Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte

  • “Heathcliff and Catherine, and basically everyone in this novel, are just crazy, okay? Catherine is a raving lunatic, and Heathcliff seriously creeps me out, like, I’m pretty sure he is a serial killer. Just saying.”
  • “I only have 2 years of college and I’m 71 years old. 20% of the words used in her sentences were words I have never heard of, consequently there was absolutely no interest in reading past the mean boy in this child’s life.”
  • “Rags to Riches. A story that will suffice for most Bitche$”

Moby Dick, Herman Melville

Moby Dick, Herman Melville

  • “There was way too much description of the whale!”
  • “If you love sitting with one of those guys who know everything and spend endless hours telling you all about it you will love this book…I’ve been more intertained in the dentist office.”

Macbeth, William Shakespeare

Macbeth, William Shakespeare

  • “He uses unnecessary(sp) words”
  • “Be sure to set c-phone to vibrate or off. Forgot and left it on. Some brilliant (dumb) Ace in marketing sends e-mails at 2:15 A.M.”

A Midsummer Night's Dream, William Shakespeare

A Midsummer Night’s Dream, William Shakespeare

  • “It was ok, but really weird language but duh it’s Shakespeare’s play, it was required reading so I didn’t have a choice”
  • “Wasn’t such a big fan. I prefer more modern novels, without the big words.”
  • “GAY”
  • “I hate all the stupid fairy stuff almost as much as I hate those be damn communists”

The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett

The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett

  • “This book didn’t match my type of liking, It was very dull because it had no exiting parts. The only exiting part was when They found the secret garden.”
  • “It is just some stupid book about kids that sniff dirt!”

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, J.R.R. Tolkien

The Fellowship of the Ring, J.R.R. Tolkien

  • “but wth is up with Boromir not dead at the end of it? Whoever wrote this should have paid more attention to the script.”
  • “chuck it away burn it most boring est book ever go buy yourself a decent book like George RR Martins Song Ice And Fire the its better than LOTR this crap”

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, J.K. Rowling

  • “I hated this book so boring.g w loo th no pizzazz or pizza. worst book ever? Don,t red at all. awful”
  • “This book has a lot of fantasy”
  • “Satan’s plan has always been to reel us in with fun and thrills, and so he has done it again with Harry Potter. But he is clever. His final plan is not to bless us. And so the series deteriorates to a lower level with each new book. A word to the wise: Revelation 22:12-17.
    And for all those who read this review may the blessing, love and power of Jesus fall upon you and fill your life. You are loved by Christ.”
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